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Twas the night before Christmas – an alternative Which? story…

Christmas Eve

On Christmas Eve we bring you a creative delight from Which? Conversation community member Ian. Here’s an alternative Christmas story for your enjoyment…

The Christmas Holiday

Twas the night before Christmas began, and it showed
At Marylebone the jokes really flowed.
The cabinets locked, the screens largely blank,
The crackers were snapping, the wine almost drank.

The atmosphere merry, the tone was upbeat
As the very top man then got to his feet.
“Well done, all you folks, you’ve worked hard this past year,”
A message received by the gang, in good cheer.

When in front of the office there came such a clatter,
They rushed – all as one – to see what was the matter.
The opposite buildings appeared all intact,
But the sky had gone dusky, quite greyish, in fact.

The sodium lights on the newly laid slabs
Seemed spooky and ghostly, on flickering cabs,
As they plied their employment with nary a thought
Of the rather odd sounds the ears had just caught.

The mood thus disrupted, the party declined,
The boys quite excited, the girls quite resigned
To long journeys home on the great underground,
Then sorting the meals out, if food could be found.

Then as they set off for the long Christmas break,
Another strange sound, like new waves on a lake,
Came lapping across the dull ev’ning air,
And their eyes turned as one to the sight of a chair.

As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
The chair floated round, like a pie in the sky.
And there on the chair sat a little old man,
With a white beard, who seemed to be lacking a plan.

As Alex and Lauren and Melanie stared,
The boys, led by Patrick, then showed that they cared.
They rushed to the man in the mad, dancing chair,
And suddenly realised he wasn’t quite there.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
He looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

But the look of bemusement his plight had produced,
Meant the gang quickly realised the reindeer had loosed
All the strapping and leather the harness comprised,
And had left, hence his look of astonished surprise.

But all was not lost, as our Patrick then showed,
“Don’t worry!”, he called, “It hasn’t yet snowed!
“As long as it hasn’t, time simply won’t move,
“So leave it to us; we’ll see it improve”.

Then looking at Lauren, he pursed both his lips
And let out a whistle, as loud as some ships.
And Lauren then joined, with Vanessa, Mel, Paul,
And soon the entire group was making this call.

At first nothing seemed to be happening, but
From Luxborough Street appeared someone on foot,
He was leading a reindeer, close quartered with more,
And following on came a group – no, a corps.

The deer were led back by the Ward & Co. gang,
Who gently attached them while others just sang.
And fin’lly the chair had morphed into a sleigh,
And the singing of Christmassy songs died away.

While Wavechange ensured all the reindeer were well,
Our Malcolm had serviced (with care) each small bell.
And Alfa and Sophie secured all the Deer,
While Derek arrived with six mugs full of beer.

“My thanks to you all,” said the rosy-cheeked Elf,
“On behalf of the world, but especially myself.”
Then he called, as the snowflakes turned everything white,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

This alternative Christmas tale was produced by Which? Conversation community member, Ian. All views here are Ian’s own and not necessarily also shared by Which?.

Comments
Member

Credit: CRUK

Merry Christmas everyone. I’m off to the highlands of Scotland. I’d have gone sooner but Ian has had me checking his reindeer. Thanks to the Convo Team for putting up with us.

Member

Have a good Fling.

Member

Thanks Malcolm. Arrived safely and now recovering.

Member

Merry Christmas and a happy new year Wave 🙂 🎅

Member

So…..

When Santa’s reindeer
Came unhitch’d
To the rescue
Team from WHICH?!
?????

A Happy Christmas to All

Member

Merry Christmas Malcolm 🙂 🎅

Member

Ho! Ho! Ho! Great story, Ian.

I had a car like that once – kept leaving things behind or things kept dropping off.

Kindly note, folks, that the Ward & Co gang includes Duncan and Beryl [alias Donner and Blitzen], Patrick T, Vynor and the impish Bishbut [who provides fun with his unique Elfabet]. They have all made a massive contribution to the enjoyment of our Conversations over the last year.

Happy Holidays everybody . . . have yourselves a Very Merry Christmas. And in the new year, keep up the good work >> Carry on taking the tabloids, the mickey, the moral high ground, the cheats to the cleaners, and no hostages.

Best Wishes, too, to all the peeps at Head Office, including the Mods and the Experts, without whom our days would be empty, forlorn and sad. Riven with doubt and facing great ruin we would be cast out of the market place, condemned to buy Don’t Buys, have badly-made windows and Windows with back-doors in them, no rights to a refund, inferior Balsamic vinegar, and a train ride to hell with an out-of-date ticket and no compensation for getting there late.

Happy New Year to you all, and may your solar panels never stop generating.

Member

Or your lights twinkling…

Member

Lovely words from a lovely person! Thanks John, hope you had a great Christmas and you’ll have an even better new year

Member

Thank you Ian for this great alternative Which? story. I will now enjoy my ability to whistle louder than ships. Hasten to add, I don’t whistle at my team members in Which? HQ! HR might have something to say about that 😉