/ Travel & Leisure

Can you say it with a Christmas song?

Christmas song

Our National Poetry Day convo in October spawned such spectacular stanzas and rhyming couplets, we thought we’d repeat the experience – this time in homage to Christmas. As before, our guest poet Ian is here to commence the merriment…

To the melody of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
On Christmas Eve, we do take leave
Of senses far and wide.
The kids in bed, now wrap that sled
And underneath it slide
The calendar for all next year’s
Appointments, big and small.
Then it’s giving of socks, vests, hankies, not forgetting toys
Then it’s opening of most especially toys.


To the melody of Winter Wonderland
Have the tills started ringing?
Have the sales started winging
Their way towards you?
It makes you feel blue,
Trudging through the Christmas hinterland.

In the stores I’m trying to find a pressie.
Can’t make up my mind ‘twixt blue and grey.
Bought him socks and undies just last Wednesday.
I might just get a sweater, then, and say…

Christmas Eve’s rather hectic,
When you try for eclectic.
So try to stay sane and just get the same
Socks and undies as you got last year.


To the melody of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Have yourself a quiet, relaxing Christmas,
All the shopping’s done.
Turkey’s stuffed and all the presents wrapped in place

Kids are fast asleep beneath the covers,
Having Christmas dreams,
All too soon the magic will be gone, it seems…

Once again, as the fire dies down,
And the flames lick round the log,
We’ll remember the older times
When it didn’t seem a slog.

Then the morning’s on us all too quickly,
And the kids awake.
Dragging sacks that bulge with secrets down the stairs.
So have yourselves a very merry Christmas Day.


Can you write down your Christmas experiences in song?


When I have more time and, perhaps a better sense of humour, I’ll write something more original. However, along with the germs and chesty cough you will have to put up with a parody today.

Joy to the world,
Our Donald’s come,
Let some receive their king!
Let every part
Prepare him room,
As words and swagger sting,
As words and swagger sting,
As words, as shouts and swagger sting.

Joy to the world
Our Donald reigns.
Now men their fences build.
While fields and floods
Rocks, hills and plains
Repeat insulting calls,
Repeat insulting calls,
Repeat, repeat his odious calls.

He rules the world,
A ruthless face,
And makes the nation prove,
The glories of his rightfulness,
The stories of his spitefulness,
And wonders of im-age,
And wonders of im-age,
One wonders, one wonders at his rage.

Joy to the world
Destruction comes,
And global warming too.
For Donald’s threats to bully us,
Let’s take a rope and pulley, thus
And raise a giant shroud,
And raise a giant shroud,
And drop it, and drop it oer his White House Crowd.

Something a little more peaceable, but not to any particular tune. Perhaps I’ll write one to go with it. Watch this space.

The Eye Witness.

I saw the empty stable with its manger small.
A dark and silent place – just one central stall.
Daylight filtered gently through the boards so bare.
I saw it – I was there.

I saw the daylight fading as dusk became due.
The cattle entering eager for their hay to chew.
The animals grazing, content to stand and stare.
I saw it – I was there.

I saw the cattle’s tension I saw their sudden moves,
At the rattle of the door and the donkey’s hooves.
I saw two weary travellers, bemused and full of care.
I saw it – I was there.

I saw the swift arrangements for the baby’s birth.
The cloth of pure white cotton wound around his girth.
The straw within the manger to protect him and to care.
I saw it – I was there.

I saw the stable floodlit in the dead of night.
A golden star’s beam shining on the manger, bright.
A halo round the infant, asleep and unaware.
I saw it – I was there.

I saw the people coming as time went by.
They just had to be there but they didn’t know why.
Shepherds from the fields – folk of humble fare.
I saw it – I was there.

I saw the regal convoy which had followed that star.
Dusty from the journey – one carrying a jar.
Their fine attire, so out of place, in the stable bare.
I saw it – I was there.

I saw the anxious faces and the donkey packed in haste.
I saw the people exit, clearly no time left to waste.
And then the empty stable, my old web hanging there.
I saw it – and began to make repair.
V. G. H.

I’m dreaming of a new kitchen
Just like the one I used to have
It had floor and ceiling, and sink and cooker
And also cupboards by the score.

I’m dreaming of a new kitchen
With every microwave meal I eat
The fitter’s done a runner, left a room with sod all in it
So no roast turkey dinner this year.

I’m dreaming of a new kitchen
Sounds like Ian might have got his
I’m not sure about Lauren, might also be having trouble
What’s wrong with workers these days.

I’m dreaming of a new kitchen
With cooker, hob and washing machine
It will have my very first dishwasher, my manual one wants to retire
It’s no fun to wash up with no sink.

I’m dreaming of a new kitchen
With every mod con it can have
May it one day live up to expectations
And may everybody else’s be too.

Ian, I have been racking my poor brain trying to work out what Holiday Inn has to do with anything, and coming up with zilch. I did go into one of their hotel kitchens in France once and it was absolutely disgusting. All food waste went in a hole in the floor in an area that was walked on. Much of it missed and was trampled on everywhere.

Brilliant @alfa

I’m still dreaming of my neeeew kit-chen 🙄
It seems I’ll be dreaming longer still
There’s lots to consider
Like electrics and a fitter
But I know I’ll get there in the end 🙂

Also, I think Ian’s reference to Holiday Inn is in relation to the song appearing in the film (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holiday_Inn_(film))

Now got it 🙂

Wish it was exaggeration though 😢

Not my own: “It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas…”

Edinburgh North East Police tweeted this: “Jingle bells if your breath smells we’ll take your car away. Don’t drink and drive or we will strive to lock you up today”.

They also tweeted this: “Last Christmas we gave you the cells. The very next day was a court holiday. This year to save you from tears, hand yourself in on warrant.”

Great! I like the formality.