I like to compare a lot of things to Marmite. It’s a love it or hate it simile that I often roll out. But there’s one comparison that rings very true. Mayonnaise. I hate it – will you join my campaign?
I have a complete aversion to the white, gloopy mush that is mayonnaise. When you don’t like a particular type of food, like tomatoes or ham, it usually isn’t a problem – you can just avoid them.
But when it comes to buying a sarnie or burger, the dreaded mayo is difficult to avoid.
How would you like it…
I’m not allergic to it, nor do I have any qualms with the home-made stuff. It’s only made up of egg yolks, oil, a bit of vinegar and seasoning after all. But the white, anaemic mess that oozes its way out of jars, to me, looks like it’s been squeezed out of a teenager’s greasy face. Ugh.
I’m sure most of you are reading this with a blank and unsympathetic look on your face, but let me draw out my Marmite comparison. Imagine that every sandwich is not drowning in a liberal slosh of mayo, but is instead swimming in Marmite.
So in my imaginary Marmite world, you’ll have to tread carefully come lunchtime, otherwise when you chomp down on your supermarket sandwich, you’ll get a face full of salty brown treacle. Maybe you’re more sympathetic to my cause now?
I’m not alone in my hatred
Despite what you might think, I’m not alone. This Conversation originated from another earlier in the week. McDonald’s has pledged to put calorie counts in its restaurants, a decision that commenter Wavechange hopes will discourage them from using mayonnaise in their fillings.
‘I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who hates mayonnaise,’ Wavechange added in response to my aversion. It’s fatty, it’s gloopy, it’s greasy – it’s quite simply gross.
Naturally, that’s just my opinion, and I wouldn’t like to deny mayonnaise lovers their favourite sauce. But give me a decent choice. Why is its marriage to sandwiches and burgers so faithful?
Let’s campaign to change food chains
Thankfully, some sandwich chains have caught on. EAT, for instance, includes mayo-free sarnies on its shelves, with capitalised labels pointing them out. But they only feel like token gestures, making us mayo haters feel like charity cases.
Some choices are hard to understand why they’re left out of our reach. Why would you need to add greasy mayo to a brie, ham and cranberry sauce baguette? It already has cranberry sauce in it – why do you need two!? This means that my love for brie and cranberry is left unfulfilled.
All I’m asking for is choice. And I’m sure dieters dislike having fattening mayonnaise rammed down their throat all the time. Maybe we should take this campaign in a more militant direction.
Our manifesto could be centred around the following demand – there must be NO mayonnaise in any sandwich or burger. If you want it, you’ll have to buy a sachet. Sadly, that’s what we’ve been driven to.
Do you love or hate mayonnaise?
I love mayonnaise (66%, 206 Votes)
I hate mayonnaise (34%, 108 Votes)
Total Voters: 314